The notion of a ‘work-life balance’ is flawed. If I were to really dig deep, I might say that it’s more than flawed. I might say that it’s a clever buzz term made popular by marketers. But there’s danger in highly marketable terms. The danger is that we begin to believe those constructs. We believe and we strive for the unattainable.

We seek therapy in order to understand why we can’t balance. Why we can’t toss either work or life to the side. Why we can’t figure out what’s ‘wrong with us.’ Why we can’t attain and achieve that glossy picture of perfection. But we can’t balance because ‘balance’ isn’t what happens in either work or life.

Not Quite Right

I’m not the first to take issue with this concept. Some have swapped the term ‘balance’ for ‘momentum’ or ‘rhythm.’ These words imply that life is in constant motion rather than in a static state. They’re close but not quite right.

While I fully support the idea of movement versus changeless “balance,” the movement metaphor neglects to address the idea that the “work” version of you is separate and independent from the “life” version of you.

Time and again, my work in mindfulness has shown me that the answer is not to separate, but to integrate our “work” and “life” selves. We still haven’t gotten the term quite right. We’re still reaching for some kind of life separation that doesn’t exist.

While we can’t separate work from life or life from work, we can use our attention intentionally.

The Might of Mindfulness

The point of mindfulness is not to reel in our thoughts. It is not to ignore them or push them away. Rather, it’s about being aware that they exist. One of the most basic definitions of mindfulness is ‘the intentional use of attention,’ and that’s the gist of it – to pay full attention to where our attention is.

If we let them, our thoughts and emotions can drag us through each day. They’re energy-sucking beasts. They can influence everything we do from responses to daily events (both big and small) to basic everyday decisions. The trick is to track down those thoughts, note where they go, and intentionally bring our thoughts back to the present.

It takes around 66 days to form a new habit. If you start today, you can train your brain to be mindful of every thought and emotion in just over two months. So I’m going to revisit the term ‘balance’ and swap it out for the word ‘attention.’ There’s no ‘work-life balance.’ But, there is a time and place for every intentional bit of attention. Focus on the time and place that you are currently in without letting the brain-draining thought and emotion beasts steal the hours in your day. Because, when it comes down to it, there’s no separation between work and life — it’s all one big beautiful ball of life. Be present. Be wholly present.

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